I’m sitting here trying to think of what I want to share with the big wide world about my mental health ….. and I’m a little nervous about over sharing to be honest.
Not that I am a stranger to over sharing, I have friends who are excellent at it and have often stopped a dinner mid chew with discriptions of what it feels like having a caesarean section (kinda like a big pimple popping). But for some reason tonight words are escaping me…….
Let me try to put into words what goes through my head as I try to go to sleep.
Most people when they go to sleep just shut thier eyes and then miraculously go to sleep – well that’s according to my mother any way.
For me it goes something like this
‘my foot hurts’
‘did I remember to do everything today?’
‘damn I forgot to pay that bill’
‘ now I have to remember that tomorrow’
‘what if I forget it again’
“Husband will be pissed’
‘no he won’t don’t be silly’
‘yes he will, I’m such a useless wife’
‘now you a re being silly’
‘no I’m not I really am I didn’t do the physio with A either and J is doing badly at school and K wouldn’t eat her tea’
‘ GO TO SLEEP – don’t be so silly’
‘ Ok ok ok sigh ….. counting that always helps’
‘ 1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4,1,2,3,4….’
And slowly off to sleep.
Funnily enough that is how I’ve always been but now as an adult it can really screw with my mind some times and I need to learn to control it. In part that means new drugs and more therapy.
So til next time.
Oh luv… The old racing brain thing I know it all too well. I have a really good fix for that, will email you. Hang in there x